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Funny how I’m closer to reaching you through a missed connection than in our own home. 
Every day, we do the same thing. It’s the same routine, no changes despite all my begging. I did what you asked. I went to counseling, I am making changes to help us but you refuse to let me in. After all this time, I’m still just a ghost to you.
You’re the one, who has the key to fix this and you seem happy to just toss it away. Nine years down the drain and I’m waiting for you to fight. 
Are we our own worst enemies? Pretending not to care because we’re not wanting to be the one to hurt? You pretend so well, but still I have the moments of remembering your heart and it’s what has kept me holding on..
I remember the reasons I fell in love with you.. Under your sarcastic humor and stubborn ways there is a sweetness about you that melts my heart. You feel deeply, and you care deeply, you talk hella shit but you give a shit. The way you tell your stories, the way you laugh and the way you smile… Even your crazy cryptic shit, I fucking love you for it. We are both crazy you know! You keep me balanced. I don’t even think you realize how much I’ve learned from you and I’ve been fascinated by your ways since the beginning.. I still find myself adoring the simplest things about you… 
….sigh…. And then I’m just brought back to the reality that you’ve been saying “never” and “impossible” for a while now and I wonder how long you’ve been waiting for me to let go..
Please my love, where have you gone? ..Why are we not happy?